My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
