I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
FUCK WHALES
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
