I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
