My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
