Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
