Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
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he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
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I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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