His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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