bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
