He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
