idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
