Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just want to make out with him forever
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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