Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
