Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Less talking, more tequila
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
