You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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