Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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