i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
