he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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