I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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