It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
