So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
