OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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