Im at strip club and am horny
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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