sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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