She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
