I don't think brook has ever known best
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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