In the future we'll all be gay
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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