i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
