I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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