apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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