well you can't waste a boner
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
