Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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