didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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