just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
