You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
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