giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
