Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
