they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
