I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
