I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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