Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
