Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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