we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
