you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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