She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
