I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
