so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
