He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
