u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
