I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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