She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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