when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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