Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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