It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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