i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
