I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
