i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Never let your siblings swipe right.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
