i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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