There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
