Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
