just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
