In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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