Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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