Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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