The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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