And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
This is classic penis vs brain.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
