I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
