I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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