just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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