i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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