Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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