She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
